the happiest place on earth...mind over matter pt. 2

sunday afternoon i went to disneyland - the happiest place on earth. jay's girlfriend's 6'5" little brother was celebrating his birthday, and they needed more adults to be around. so i got a free ticket to disneyland. i haven't been since the anaheim ys convention in 2004. jay and i drove up in the afternoon after church/load-out/in-n-out and got there around 3:30. given the post from last week, i wasn't in the best place psychologically or emotionally. i had a good time. we laughed a lot, made memories, enjoyed the fireworks, watched interesting people. but i will have to say i felt this immense pressure to be happy. jay even said, "if you can't be happy here, you can't be happy anywhere." theme parks are hard for me lately. i'm not a rider of roller coasters (ironic given my last name), and seeing families/couples together is really difficult. in spite of my last post, i found myself forcing my mind and my heart to be happy...or at least smile and laugh. it was a big day for jay - hanging out at his favorite place with his girlfriend and his best friend enjoying great food after a morning of church and playing music. i think a part of it was not wanting to bring the day down for the other people around me. it was exhausting. i don't like not being happy. my gm at the store even said the last week that i've not been myself lately. disney is celebrating their "year of a million dreams" making trips and experiences - dreams - for people come true. what about my dreams? can mickey make those come true? lol...maybe one day... ~aroll