Thursday, May 22, 2008

the grandeur of a "calling"

last night at my sanctuary, we were talking about what it means to live missionally - a topic that i preached on sunday morning. in the course of the conversation, jay brought up the question of what each one of us is doing to act on it this week, what is our "piece" of living missionally. we went around the circle sharing what it might look like for each one of us personally, with it being acceptable, of course, to still be figuring it out. one girl shared that she wasn't sure what her calling was so she didn't know what her "piece" was.

in the last 3-4 months, this is an idea/issue i have been wrestling with quite a bit. there are several components of my life - job, relationship, circumstances - with which i'm not very happy/satisfied/content. through many conversations, tears, and journaling, i've come to the reality of the need to simply live in the present. my friends holly and ryan sharp from san francisco wrote a song called "you might not know you're home 'til you've landed." the chorus closes with the line "your two feet may tell you where you're standing." there is a sense in which i think we caught up in the grandeur of a calling. it sounds so noble: "i am called to help the poor in india." is a calling a good thing? absolutely. for me, my perception of my calling and passion has been a source of frustration and sometimes depression. my calling is much bigger than my circumstances are allowing right now. what i've realized is that i need to look where my own two feet are and do the best with my circumstances. i may not have everything i want now, may not be doing everything i want to do now, but now isn't forever. so what can i accomplish now? how do i live into who i am in the context of my life at the moment.

so what's my "piece" right now of living my faith out? i am being open about my faith. for a long time when i would be out meeting new people, i would be shy/reserved/hesitant about mentioning my involvement in a church and my faith. why? i suppose i was afraid of being labeled, rejected, or written off given the experience many in our community have had with the church. since my decision to not really care how people react when i talk about it, i have had some really great conversations about church, God, faith, and life. some people have mocked and been negative, but mostly people are intrigued or honestly don't care one way or another. the lesson: don't get lost in hope of finding and living the grandeur of your calling (which you may or may not have/find/know) and simply decide who you are now and what you do in the moment. calling will come without sacrificing the impact i can have now. ~aroll

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